This is exactly why I don’t sing outside of my shower.
Mr. Andrew Carnegie is amusing his friends with the story of an old Scottish woman who had no great liking for modern church music. One day she was expressing her dislike of the singing of an anthem in her own church when a friend said: “Why, that anthem is a very ancient one. David sang it to Saul.”
“Weel, weel,” said the old woman, “I noo for the first time understan’ why Saul threw his javelin at David when the lad sang it to him.”
– The Abergavenny Chronicle, December 31, 1909
When you want to hasten the end of any part of a church service, simply make an offering at the opportune moment. Works every time.
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Disclaimer: The modern era is far from the first to grapple with rampant “fake news.” As I am neither a historian nor journalist, I make no claims about the accuracy or lack thereof of the above sources. I assert only that they make for a good story.