While it’s important to be earnest, we all know what happened when the emperor ordered new clothes. Priorities, people. On a scale of embarrassment, getting caught with your pants down is right up there with failing gym class, wearing a hat in Parliament and getting your hair stuck in flypaper. What’s even worse, however, is
“When young, I was the architect of my own fortunes.” “Did they have building inspectors in those days?” – The Day Book, October 21, 1915 After that burn, my fortunes are now in need of a doctor, along with a general contractor, electrician, plumber, interior designer, landscaper and while I’m at it, a bartender, too.
An amusing incident, in which Viscount Peel, the ex-Speaker, was the principal figure, took place the other afternoon in the part of the [House of Commons] which is specially reserved for visitors from another place. His Lordship forgetting for the moment that he was anything more than a distinguished stranger, was observed by the horror-stricken
If this is why my mail carrier is delivering my letters weeks late, I forgive them. At Winters, Cal., a pup was slipped into the mails and reached Elmer Crews in Bayford, Trinity county, 220 miles away. The dog was recognized as first-class mail for three days. He was fed, watered and petted the entire
And here I thought I was salty over the money—to say nothing of the closure—my ex still owes me: Are you aware that the actual cash value of broken hearts is increasing as rapidly as the high cost of living? What, do you suppose, a broken heart is worth today? Or to put the question
It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s. . . me in the pilot seat! Well, close enough. A few weeks ago, I checked off a bucket list item and took a flying lesson. I wasn’t flying quite like Superman, but I sure felt like a superhero when I successfully turned the ignition key in the
Because counting sheep is so 19th century: William West, a north side stableman, was discovered by a policeman standing on his head, fast asleep and snoring enthusiastically. West, when aroused, said he had intended merely to rest his head on hay in the manger, but slipped in head first and kept right on with his
In my [censored] years on this earth, I’ve been fortunate enough to crisscross continents and fly across oceans. Yet somehow, I’ve never visited Milwaukee, a city practically in my own backyard—until now. As you read this, I’m on my way there and intend to eat however much cheese it takes to become a certified cheesehead.
Straphanging need no longer be a terror to travelers on the underground railways. All they have to do is to follow the example of Mr. George Flake, of Cincinnati, who has solved the problem in an ingenious manner. Mr. Flake’s method, according to the New York correspondent of the “Daily Express,” is to carry in