This year, Santa Claus is all about saving the environment. Instead of giving naughty children polluting coal—and delivering it with exploitative reindeer labor—he’s now sending sustainable, all-organic gifts through the postal system:
Here is a regulation that forbids live animals being sent through the post, but in spite of that many curious Christmas gifts in living form have passed through the postman’s hands year by year. . .
Why should anybody send anybody else a hamper crammed full of live leeches? That was the question that one sorter asked himself on Christmas Eve, when a parcel that had burst open revealed this original Christmas “box.”
On another occasion a long package very much like a little coffin in shape aroused the suspicions of the man handling it before dispatch. Imagine his amazement when investigation revealed a baby alligator, happily fast asleep!
Little less astonishing was a box containing 150 frogs, while another unfortunate member of the postal staff once had the job of handling a suspicious hamper that was found to contain 12 young and healthy adders.
Tame by comparison, but queer enough was a box that broke before it reached its destination and was found to be full of blackbeetles—doubtless somebody’s notion of a Christmas joke.
– The New Zealand Herald, December 12, 1931
Also tame by comparison: caffeinated dolls, lions, wheelbarrows of candy and fake medicine. If you’re looking for some last-minute gift ideas, you’re welcome.
This holiday season, spare a thought for our postal workers, who sort live animals, deliver dead letters, find nonexistent addresses and even stop crime. Get on Santa’s nice list and be sure to offer them a drink when they ring your bell this year!
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Disclaimer: The modern era is far from the first to grapple with rampant “fake news.” As I am neither a historian nor journalist, I make no claims about the accuracy or lack thereof of the above sources. I assert only that they make for a good story.